This is me… I'm a chameleon…

This is me… I'm a chameleon…

My name is Emily. I'm a thirty-something mixed Islander with 2 gorgeous daughters and an amazing husband. I've lived my whole life in Washington (state not dc) and I can't imagine living anywhere else. This is one of the best places in the world to raise kids, and I get to watch my girls grow up in the same place I did! (Almost literally right now since we live in the neighborhood I grew up in)

So… about me. I'm proud of my Hawaiian Filipino Irish German heritages. I use to be an avid writer, but then I got this writers block about 10 years ago. This is me coming out of that hopefully. I'm a short girl with a big attitude, but the reality is that if my brain had it's way, I would be an introvert. I'm extremely self conscious of my body image and have been for pretty much my whole life. I am the friend of friends, but get hurt very easily by those I keep close to me. I have a sharp tongue when I've been attacked. I am extremely honest with my advice, to a fault at times. I am the kind of person who you really can call at 3 am for a ride and I will do anything I can to help, even if its not convenient for me. And at the same time I am horrible at keeping in touch because I get WAY too much into my own head sometimes. Music helps me deal with a lot of my emotions. It speaks to me in ways that words can't. As I type this I'm listening to AlexClare. This album brings out a depth in my mind that i don't tap into a whole lot anymore. I am the kind of person who inspirational quotes can be game changers for my day to day. I lean heavily into God, but not as much as I should. My heart is His and His alone. He chooses to share it with my family and friends. He speaks through me when needed. I am DEEPLY Patriotic! I cry at commercials of home comings. (that part of me warms my husbands heart) I have battled depression since I was very young. I've seen my fair share of counselors, therapists and psychologists. (they're all nuts!) I can be very random most of the time. 

I am the youngest of two kids. Still Daddy's girl (well, most of the time) My brother and I have a very interesting relationship. My mom is my best friend. I am very dependent on her (not that I like to admit that, but I know its true) My parents are still married and have only been married to each other.. I'm a rare one.. They still live in the same house that I grew up in. That is still where I consider "home". Both of my parents worked full time jobs while I was growing up. My dad a police officer from the time before I can remember. My mom was a professional singer. I wasn't close to my mom until I grew up and out and had a daughter of my own. And now I get it! I spread my wings early and tried to be the cool girl. I started smoking when I was 10… because I wanted a boy to like me and he smoked. A nasty habit that I gave up a few times and finally gave it up for good when my oldest daughter was about 4. I had bad friends and good friends. I liked the bad ones better. 

I am a kid at heart, and a 1940's war bride at soul. I've been through schooling for quite a few different things. I still can't decide what I want to be when I grow up. Although, I would say that my life now is just as I want it. Not exactly the way I thought I would get here, and definitely not the easiest road to go down, but this is what I was made for. I had always wanted to be a stay at home wife and mother. Make the kids' lunches, have breakfast ready to go, send them all off and tidy up the house… have snacks for the kids for after school and dinner on the table by 5:30. This whole "Donna Reed" thing going on.. Well… be careful what you ask for, right?

I had my first daughter when I was 22. Her father and I had known each other for a very long time. He was around until she was about 8 months old. Then he had to make a choice between us or drugs… Best decision he ever made was to walk away (although it took me a LONG time to realize that). Z is the spitting image of me. and I CAN wait for her to grow up. Seems like nowadays kids are growing up way too quickly. But isn't that how it's always been? 

I met my husband a little over 5 years ago.  When we met I knew he was injured in combat. I wasn't sure about anything other than I felt like I had known him my whole life. His injuries didn't throw me off, much. Our love affair started off in a whirlwind. But I believe God knew exactly what He was doing, for both of us. We were married a little more than a year after we met. And about 9 months later he adopted Z. We tried for 3 very long hard years to have a baby of our own. and in September last year, she arrived bright and smiling!! That was quite the journey… getting sick, a cancer scare, medications and multiple doctor visits. But as with all things, it was all in God's timing. 

I've learned that there are some very specifically strong women out there. Some who are able to hold the whole world up on their shoulders and still manage to take care of everyone else around them. They have a voice very seldom heard out loud, but when you do, its the voices that move mountains. They are strong, powerful and almost always selfless. They take the cards that are dealt to them and start handing them out to help others. They are able to juggle running a household, raising children (of all ages), being a taxi, a nurse, a cook, a dog catcher, a banker, a wife and all while taking care of our countries bravest men. We are the wives of Wounded Warriors. But that doesn't even begin to explain who we are. I've learned that I am one of those women. I have fought hard and have earned the right to be a part of this amazing community of women.

I hope you continue to follow my journey. I will take you down paths of deep shit and glorious days. I will be real, even if I don't want to be. I will be honest, even with myself. I will share the high highs, and the low lows. I will share some of my favorite inspirational quotes and always let you know what I'm listening to. I hope what I write will inspire and ignite a fire within those who read it.

Emily
Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Philippians 4:6 (CEV)

listening to Pandora- Hawaiian Radio

Hello there! How the hell are you?!

Hello Blogger Friends!

It's been a YEAR since my last blog – maybe a little more by a few days, weeks, or months, but that’s all semantics- and now I’m back!

I guess we can chalk the year or epic absenteeism up to a need to do some soul searching, major life challenges, just life in general, blah, blah - but I'm happy to say that life is now GOOD. I very much I hope that you've been thriving as well, and that life is treating you gently. Because I can’t make an epic blogger return, without providing some explanation of what they hell kept me away, I’ll let you all in on a few things that have gone down:

1^st:

I became a mom overnight to a healthy (now... thank God) and happy little boy! A real mom! A fulltime, boo-boo kissing, bedtime story reading, non-stop, all-the-way mom! Not to say that being the Stepmom of my beautiful 10 year old Ladybug, didn’t qualify me as a real mom, but I’m sure you all know what I mean. And yes, I am VERY serious by saying it was an overnight kind of, sink or swim, welcome to the motherhood, sudden and extremely surprising dive into parenthood. A dive that at first, I almost didn’t make. It is a very complicated, and convoluted story that I fully intend of divulging in an upcoming post, but suffice it to say for the purpose of this post, that all is well, we are all happy and thriving, and I am so very lucky and blessed to have him.

2^nd:

The passing of my father. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced pain that ran that deep, in all my 30 years of life. My father passed away on April 29^th, 2013, and I can honestly say that his passing changed me in ways – both positive and negative- that I never could express in great enough detail here. Because of that I will just say, it broke my heart, and kept me away from this blog, and pretty much suspended my life until January of this year. As stated above, I’m in a much happier and much more mentally healthy place now, and I am looking forward to all the incredible blessings life has to offer.

3^rd:

I was promoted at my job! It was a HUGE promotion and an incredible opportunity, but I quickly learned that the new role would consume much more of my time than I anticipated. Can’t complain though- I’m thrilled to pieces to have this opportunity!

I could go on and on about the How’s and Why’s of my year without blogging; Work, kids, hubs, blah, but instead I’ll just say that I’ve missed blogging dearly and will make much more of an effort to blog more frequently from now on.

And to remind myself of this new promise:

I look forward to seeing your comments, and look forward to posting all the amazing information I have collected as of late!

A Special Day for Remembrance

Although today may be a difficult day for many, it’s still a special day to remember the lives- and sacrifices- of our Military and Veterans. Past and present- we thank you.

Happy Memorial Day!

Oh the treats of a retreat!

About two weeks ago (or maybe more) I had the extreme privilege of being invited to the annual Operation Home front’s Hearts of Valor retreat, this time held in sunny San Diego at the San Diego Resort and Spa. I traveled with my fellow warrior wife, and good friend Jane M, which pretty much started this incredible weekend with laughs and much needed stress relief.  For all that are new to my blog, I rarely refer to my friends by their actual name here. Instead- since I call our brood the anything but plain Jane’s- you’ll see me reference them as Jane [+ the initial of their first name].

The resort was phenomenal; great catered food, impressive suites, to-die-for spa and Jacuzzi, and ultra-plush amenities, made our weekend trip, the ultimate weekend getaway!

Photos courtesy sandiegohilton.com 

Not only were the amenities amazing, the activities and speakers on the agenda planned by the miracle workers of H.O.V, were incredible and so uplifting. Our keynote speakers on night one were a CSM with PTSD and his lovely wife. They definitely didn’t hold back as they recalled the rocky trails their relationship experienced while navigating this ever so twisty road of marriage and PTSD. I tell you, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house after they were done speaking. I know for me, hearing out-loud the very same emotions that I have felt for now 7 years, spilling out of the mouth of another woman in my very same shoes, gave me such a feeling of emotional support. It was great- knowing that I wasn’t crazy for feeling angry, distant, and protective of myself and my kiddo- and helped me to not just hear but truly know that I’m not alone. So moving and powerful!

The rest of the weekend wasn’t as intense, but was still just as powerful. We had classes each day that covered everything from VA benefits, intimacy, journaling, money management and then some. We also had lots of downtime, which included free facials and massages courtesy of the remarkable resort and H.O.V, a bon fire on the beach, relaxing poolside (either in the private cabanas or overlooking the beach), and Jacuzzi time. I can tell you from my experience, that this retreat was a life saver. I had reached my ‘burn-out’ phase, and having a moment to myself, some much needed r&r, and building connections with an amazing group of women, who are turning out to be really incredible new friends, was just what I needed to get me back to being me, and providing me with the tools to help me get through the challenges that life with PTSD and TBI afford . 

To all of you Combat Veteran Wives, I definitely recommend you join Hearts of Valor. For me the retreat was much needed indeed, but more than that, what I got out of this amazing weekend was much more than I ever expected. It allowed me the greatest gift I’ve ever been given…peace. At a time where my entire life seemed to be rooted deeply in chaos and stress, the bonds and friendships, resources and information, and time to decompress that this retreat gave me, I know I will be forever grateful for.  For all of you out there struggling on your own- don’t! Join, talk, get it out ladies. Just know that you’re not alone.

Strongest women I know!

March Rewind

I’m trying out a new monthly re-cap, which I will post at the end of each month just to summarize any good resources, events, daily happenings, or funsies I was able to uncover. I’ll try to keep it from becoming too convoluted to read the entire port; but if it does, please excuse my rambling, and next time will be better.

Here goes!

March in photos

Me and my beautiful ladies at the Hearts of Valor San Diego Retreat

March in one word

Enlightening

Quote you lived by in March

“Take ownership of the energy that you bring into a room, as well as the energy that you allow others to take from you.”- Oprah

Song(s) in heavy rotation on your iPod in March

Hold On by Alabama Shakes

Radioactive by Imagine Dragon

3 personal accomplishments in March

Increased exercise by 60%

Officially knocked out ¾ of my debt (100% debt free by 30 here I come!)

Soda/sugar free for entire month

Most popular blog post in March

This is kind of pathetic since I hardly blogged in March, so….

3 important WW resources found in March

National Caregiver Support Line (TBA in upcoming post)

Wounded Warrior Family Support (Ditto)

VA Benefits for 100% disabled combat veterans (ditto-o)

3 awesome things you did in March

Hearts of Valor Retreat San Diego!

Magic Mountain with the kiddo

Day trip to Ojai with the hubby!

*Shout Out!* Favorite WW resource blog for March

Top 5 March Obsessions

Benefit “Bad Gal Lash” mascara (but really, Benefit cosmetics in general)

Gin Wigmore’s album, Gravel and Wine

Mindy Kaling- The Mindy Project. Seriously, how are we not BFF’s by now???

Trips to my local Farmers Market

Alabama Shakes

March Reads

Here I Go by Jen Lancaster

Paper Valentine by Brenna Yovanoff

Things I’m looking forward to in April

Temecula Wine Country trip with my girls!

LA Times Festival of Books

March Pearls of Wisdom

March came and went with quite a few unexpected problems. The usual exhaustion, issues getting appointments at the VA for the hubby, and wearing multiple hats of wife, mom, cook, nurse, and fulltime employee were all to be expected. Becoming an overnight foster parent (for reason that I won’t go into) on the other hand, quite literally threw the hubby and I into a tailspin of frustration and chaos. Somehow with each issue that was thrown at us, and each issue that we safely dodged, one of my Grandma’s most recognizable quotes kept coming to mind, and pretty much became the theme of March.

My Grandma (Grammy as we call her), would always tell me that strength -true strength- doesn’t evolve from struggles you face, it evolves from the way you handle yourself through the struggle.

Smart one that woman is I tell you.

I remember being 10 years old, and running to her house one day after school, tearing through her front door to immediately fall into her arms sobbing hysterically. My face, completely saturated in my own tears, and distorted from what Oprah calls “The ugly cry” due to an entire afternoon of hard core teasing, when my always affordable payless brand shoes quite literally fell apart during a strenuous game of flag football. You see, my mom was on a very tight single mom with two kids budget, so we couldn’t afford the stylish kicks that all the other kids had. Of course- having a flair for the dramatics at that age as I did- I was convinced that my life at school as I knew it was over, and swore to never return until all the Curella’s (a term that I use for mean girls) ceased to exist and proper balance was restored. Oh wishful thinking…

Well, Grammy wasn’t having any of that. She swiftly pulled me up by my chin, looked me in the eye, and said in her deep southern voice, “Child, there will be plenty more to life to be hurt over than some silly kids teasing about your shoes. There is nothing wrong with where you buy you shoes from, and if they don’t like them they need to buy shoes for you then. Either way, we don’t run from our problems in this house, we face them head on. If you get in the habit of running, you’ll be running for the rest of your life.”

Grammy believed that how we choose to handle our struggles is what makes the difference between truly overcoming them, and being stuck in them. Instead of sulking and wallowing in the things that I can’t change- the things that I feel have forever changed my life- I can choose to get up and keep moving forward to make my new path work for me. Instead of complaining about the things that I don’t have, I can choose to make the absolute best of what I do have (and pardon my French, rock the shit out of them). Instead of reciting like a broken record, how unfair these challenges that I face are, I can choose to embrace the fact that regardless of the struggle, I have the resources, fortitude, and capability to get through them. That’s what she meant by strength being determined by how you choose to handle what life throws at you.

It’s almost amusing that now- after hearing her say this all those years- I finally understand the depth behind her words. I can definitely say that being a wounded combat veteran wife, certainly comes with it’s fair share of struggles, but for the first time ever, I can also say that I am truly say my strength grows each day because of them.

A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform

There is no better day than today to celebrate strength, perseverance, forward-movement, and beauty. Why, you ask? Because today is International Women’s Day. It’s a day wholly dedicated to the many incredibly powerful, sophisticated, intelligent, and thoroughly capable women around the world, a day we can all stand together in recognition of one another, with pride in how far we have come since our initial fight to secure our own claim in the workplace, government, military, and otherwise. So many women have contributed to the dozens of advancements our society has been fortunate enough to accomplish over the years, and I am so proud to have learned from those women, and to have been given the opportunity to reap the benefits of their hard work, as well as to continue on that work for the future generation of women of our nation.

I absolutely love that there is a day dedicated to my fellow everyday women, and I couldn’t help but throw together a post of some of my biggest female inspirations (my mother and sister are a given, but I’ll give them a shout out too!).

1.     Shonda Rhimes

Never before has there been a television powerhouse like Ms. Shonda. With a career spanning just 18 years young, she has achieved unprecedented success as a screenwriter, director and producer. If you think you don’t know her work, just think Grey’s Anatomy- yup, that’s her baby. Now think Scandal-my latest obsession to end all obsessions. Yeah, she’s incredibly awesome. She’s my biggest writing inspiration and I so want to be like Shonda when I grow up!

2. Alice Paul

You can't talk women's rights and not think of Alice Paul. She took suffrage to degrees that our world hadn’t seen- nay, expected or even thought possible. It’s because of her efforts and the many women that stood beside her that allow us the freedoms that we have today. I’m forever appreciative of this amazing woman, and the women that weren’t afraid to stand on the President’s door step (literally) and demand our equal rights without fear, and with dignity.

3. Meryl Streep 

She's beautiful, she's strong, and she continues to redefine what it means to be a Hollywood leading lady with her work in films like Iron Lady, and Doubt, all while remaining graceful, honest, and humble. I love her to pieces.

4. Coretta Scott King

More than just the wife of, more than a recognizable widow, she is the very face of black women of the civil rights movement. She is the most inspiring lesson of life after unexpected tragedy and forward movement. She’s inspired me all my life to not allow anyone to define me but me, and she dedicated her life to helping women find their strength, and take ownership of their own road to empowerment. I swear I think courage was simply a part of her DNA. She was and still is a woman of wonder. Long live Coretta.

5. Kerry Washington

Never before has there been anyone like Kerry, nor will there be long after she’s gone. I’ve mentioned before how much I swoon over her, how- if ever I’m lucky enough- I fully intend of becoming BFF’s with her should I ever meet her, and how O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D I am with her latest body of work, Scandal, but have I mentioned how courageous she is as an actor? If not, trust me when I say D’jango Unchained serves as proof of her courage and commitment to her craft, and that is enough to make her a huge inspiration to me in sticking to what you love, and letting it become as much a part of you as the skin that shields you. Go Kerry

I can promise you there are so many other women who inspire me each day, but the efforts and spirits of my fellow combat veterans are truly the biggest inspiration of all. All of you deserve your recognition and honor, and I hope today, that you take the time out to honor the women that inspire you.

 Happy International Women's Day Ladies!

Because laughter soothes the soul

Happy Sunday!