The last 45 days have been nothing short of a challenge for me. Between work, taking care of my family, and a few other stressors life decided to throw my way, I feel I have completely maxed out my bullshit-o-meter for the next century or so. All in all, life lately has been more of a pain in the ass than I care to deal with. Although things haven’t been stellar, I have found a way to foster a much more positive attitude to help me work through the rough thanks to our marriage counselor that we have been seeing for the last month or so.
Now I’m not usually one that likes to sit down with a complete stranger and air out my dirty laundry, just to have them pick my brain and tell me what I already knew I needed to do, but for the sake of wanting (technically needing) an outsiders opinion to help us see each other clearly I decided to give it a go. And you know what? I couldn’t be happier that I did. Despite my original hesitation and skepticism, seeing a therapist has been the best decision we have ever made. Thanks to therapy the hubby and I are communicating again, really communicating in a way that I honestly never thought I'd see again. He’s also listening to my feelings, and showing me that he has my back no matter how uneasy he was about the outcome. This has been a huge struggle in our marriage, and hearing our therapist not only acknowledge my feelings but agree with me 100%, had such a huge impact on him that it changed him almost instantly. Therapy has been so good in fact, I figured I would blog about some of the tools I’ve learned in hopes of sharing what I think is useful information with all of you. As I’ve stated before marriage alone is difficult, but marriage to someone with PTSD could be downright murder; I know for me it’s always good to hear others coping mechanisms and information they use to get through their rough patches, here are my favorite 5.
Listen-
Understand that listening is not just you patiently waiting for your chance to speak. To listen you must take the other persons words, feelings, and expressions into as great of consideration as you expect them to take yours. By listening you are not only showing the person that you care, you are now able to truly understand their concerns and find the best resolution for them and yourself.
Open-
Open yourself to seeing the situation from their vantage point. It’s the same as walking a day in someone else’s shoes. You might find that their perspective has valid and substantial points that you should consider. This practice of openness will not only remove you from only reflecting on your feelings about the situation, it will also give you a clear scope of how your reactions impact the situation itself as well as the other person
Willing-
Be willing to understand that you may not be the only person who feels hurt or wronged. If you are willing to admit that you have also played a role in your current situation, you will be able to truly move forward.
Strength-
Strength is more than just overcoming hardships, hurt, or anger. Strength is much more then physical or emotional. True strength comes from your undiluted understanding of your own weaknesses and your courage in working to correct them. It’s not just enough to overcome a circumstance that makes you strong, it’s what you learned from it that allowed you to correct it for the future that creates strength.
Passing the past-
The past is called the past for a reason. You have to be willing to step away from the past, learn from it, and truly move on. You can’t say you moved on from the past if you continue to talk about it. You can’t say you are a stronger person than you were if you continue to allow your past to surface itself in your present. Leave the past behind you, and be willing to carve out a new path for yourself today.
Learning new ways to help evolve myself and work through the austere days I sometimes face has been a mission of mine for the last few years. I may not always have the answers or always have the best solutions to life’s problems, but I feel that I am getting there, and carving a much more blissful path every step I take.
What tools do you use to get through your rough patches. Send me an email, I would love to hear about them, or feature them on this blog.
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